After a few months of not posting, I decided it was time to update those of you who actually keep tabs on me.
A lot of things have happened and changed for me in the past few months. Mostly, all of the changes have been good...a couple of things have really tested my limits, but even with the dark reality that they've brought, the positive aspect is that they've reassured me that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.
Things are going very well with my infusions; some days (like today) I end up with little blood spots under the skin where my needle was, or a few days later I get a rockin' bruise at my infusion site. Compared to the alternative, though, bruises are a walk in the metaphorical park; the meds are keeping me swell-free (which my swell family knows is a very rare, and blessed occurrence), allowing me to live my life the way any 25 year old should - sans restrictions due to health issues. I bought myself a motorcycle this spring (something I've wanted to do for a number of years now), and although it wasn't the greatest year for riding, I got some of the basics under my belt and hope to put in a lot more miles in the coming years. It may not seem like much to most people, but two years ago, I couldn't even ride as the passenger on a bike without risking my hands (and/or other places we won't discuss) swelling up like balloons thanks to the vibrations of the engine. There are no words to express how thankful and lucky I am to have the medication available to me that allow me to live a "normal" life...or at least as "normal" as I'm ever going to be. [Really, who likes being legit *normal* anyway? ;)
Recently, I've found myself looking back on the "adventures" that were the past 9 months of this year fairly often. Although this is exactly where I wanted to be at the beginning of this year, had someone asked me 6 months ago if this is where I thought I might be, my answer would've been, "are you fuckin' kidding me?! HELL no. Even if my life depended on it, there is ZERO chance of that even coming close to fruition." ...yet, here I am; tongue bitten, foot inserted into mouth, all of those witty metaphors. And you know what? This is one instance where I'm more than okay with admitting that I was wrong.
I've learned more than my fair share of life lessons in this past year. Sometimes, you don't even realize you're taking something for granted until it's ripped out from underneath you faster than you can blink your eyes. With all of my medical issues, health is not something I EVER take for granted...or so I thought. I realized that although I never took my own *good* health for granted...I did take the health of people I love for granted.
I had to learn the harsh lesson that is watching someone I care about immensely be thrown through the medical diagnostic gauntlet, hoping for the best, but knowing deep down that despite "having faith" and "being optimistic," all signs were pointing toward SOMETHING being wrong. I had to learn how to feel helpless yet hopeful, and understand that I cannot control this situation, EVER. Never ever, ever. I didn't take it well. I still don't. I'm not sure I ever will. I've always been the one that people had to watch be sick from the outside...I'm the one that's "broken," and I'm okay with it, it's how it's always been...it was an ugly, serious reality check when I ended up on the other side of the glass this time.
I think having been through what I've been through with my "genetic defect" as I like to refer to it, allows me to be understanding in a way that some people aren't capable of - not because they don't want to be, but because they could just never GET IT without physically experiencing it themselves. One of the hardest things for me was knowing some of the struggles this person was going to be going through - dealing with accepting this shit-card they were dealt, adapting to a new way of life, having to rely on medication to live the most "normal" life (s)he is capable of - and not being able to do a damned thing about it. I try to nurture too much, and feel the NEED to take care of people, and protect them...not an easy place to be when what that person really needs is just someone to "know" what they're going through, and let them do it on their own.
Life is good at testing me; but I think I've finally learned how to pass the tests without screwing up too terribly. I know I still have a boatload of challenges ahead of me, but I feel pretty confident that I've got the best partner in crime that I could ever dream of to face those battles with me.
Cheers to the future and everything it has in store for us all :)
~Chelsea Leigh
